Comic 95 - Hold a meeting

25th May 2018, 3:58 AM in High Roads, Low Roads, Threeroads
Average Rating: 5 (1 votes) Rate this comic
Hold a meeting
<<First Latest>>

Author Notes:

Morgenstern 25th May 2018, 3:58 AM edit delete
You decide to pay for the meal, and ask for a uhhh... normal cake, for now.

You'll consider the orgasm cake for later, though, as long as there's no additional protein added.

The two chefs help you find one of the guild's dining halls, and you call the rest of your party members. While waiting for your food to get done, you start by introducing Justice to everyone, updating your group on recent events, and bringing up the subject of the goblin tribe.

You pitch the idea that an orgasm-inducing cake might work as a replacement for a woman, as far as the gobs are concerned.

"Inzo not so sure," states Inzo. "Gobs narrow visioneded, but sneaksy. Chief might take cake but say it not count as woman."

"I concur," adds Lagrand. "Goblins can be clever when it suits them... and when it doesn't require much effort. If we hope to fulfill their demands--and I'm very much torn on whether that's worth it--we should probably stick to the letter of the agreement."

Well, Plan B then. You bring up your idea for a possible sex golem. Among you are two spellcasters, an alchemist, and an engineer--surely you can work something out.

"While you are correct," Lagrand begins, "what we lack is an artist, and any experience with animating constructs. I've no doubt that we could build a golem if we combined our efforts, but building one with sex appeal... that, young mage, is a much steeper challenge. I can say with confidence, as one who has spent a great deal of time staring at trees... wooden curves do not excite."

"Well, that blows," Valley protests. "Are we like, stuck? Do we totally have to sacrifice someone to the gobs? Even if we do get into the entertainers guild, like... they're gonna charge out the ass for this."

"Th..." Ranse pauses, and sighs. "There's. Golem experts. Puppeteers. Equal... p-parts alchemist engineer enchanter. Just... focused. On building golems. Nothing else."

"We should seek out one of their rank, then!," declares Justice. "Surely they would accept this test of their talents."

Ranse glances away from the group. "Th... they're hard to find. Now. Golems are... mostlyforwar. Weapons. Guiltless soldiers. S-someone that... that makes golems isn't well liked, in, places like this."

"Places that aren't, like, at war," concludes Valley. "This kingdom's peaceful? Engineers and alchemists and, like, enchanters all make and do all kinds of junk. Someone who just like... picks and chooses the bits of those that can churn out weapons..."

"That seems a bit short sighted, frankly," replies Lagrand.

"I agree!," adds Justice. "A golem could be used for all kinds of things--like helping to build homes, or scaring birds away from crops."

"Y... you're not wrong," says Ranse. "But.. that's... how it is. Y... you're not going to find a puppeteers guild. Th-they're pariahs. Theyworkprivately. At least in this kingdom."

Lagrand tosses some hair from his face. "I'm growing QUITE weary of the direction society is taking in regard to magic."

"Puppet man work in secret," Inzo states, "but still work. Not against law? Not get run out of town?"

"No," Ranse replies. "They're just... n-not especially popular."

"Then puppet man can be found!," responds Inzo. "Puppet man build golem, make gobs shut up about sex. ...Mayhaps build other golems, too. Mayhaps Inzo takes notes."

Valley rolls her eyes. "Like, we JUST got done talking about how golems can be used for NOT war?"

Inzo crosses his arms, leaning back in his seat. "Inzo said nothing about war."

"R-right," Ranse says sarcastically. "You're... going to scare birds, l-like... Justice suggested."

"Not need golems for war," Inzo states. "Show of power! No one fight golem army, too scary. War never happen. Not get that far. Inzo wins by the intimidations."

"If it were that easy," Lagrand remarks, "I suspect someone would have already accomplished it."

"Puppet man lack ambition," Inzo retorts. "Not have vision like Inzo. Just need give golems golem direction. ...Also rocket fists."

"I am deeply concerned about this turn of events," Justice states quietly.

"Don't be," Valley replies under her breath. "Inzo's mental, but like... he wouldn't know what to do with an army if he got one?"


K3001 25th May 2018, 5:19 AM edit delete reply
We were talking about ONE golem for ONE purpose to pay for ONE thing: stopping the war. If Inzo or gob chief would want another one or several more, even ethics aside, it would cost even more than that, like not starting war with any other species, and in money equivalent it's a fortune. The one gobs don't have, just as the peace guaranties. So let's stick with the original plan.
Gallstone 25th May 2018, 6:31 AM edit delete reply

Besides, we can cycle the party so Inzo never gets face time with any Puppeteer we meet.
Yolvan 25th May 2018, 5:59 AM edit delete reply
Actually, the golem sound like an excellent idea, Nast should certainly look into it. Though it might turn out a tad expensive, but it could be a long term solution.

Also, was the elf male or female? I saw you never used something that revealed gender to refer to the receptionist.
Fireopal 25th May 2018, 8:31 AM edit delete reply
Besides, maybe a sex golem could inspire us as well
Twyll 25th May 2018, 5:19 PM edit delete reply
We're gonna need to test it out thoroughly, in any case!
Hellbovine 25th May 2018, 6:13 AM edit delete reply
Let's search for the puppeteer! It's gonna be fun!
1977 25th May 2018, 6:30 AM edit delete reply
While I agree that we should search for the puppeteer, since it seems more like a long term solution, I think Nast should turn into a woman and fuck at least the goblinchief (and probably one of each sort, you know one shaman, one warrior, one archer and so on) to get inspired by it.
Barswanian 25th May 2018, 8:14 AM edit delete reply
I'd pass on it. :/
Gallstone 25th May 2018, 6:37 AM edit delete reply
Reassure Justice - quietly, so Inzo can't hear - and move on to a new subject.

+ We're in the big city, we still have 250gp. What special gear are we going to buy, now we have access to the city's market?
- Should we shop for prospective golem parts, so we have them in our inventory once we find a Puppeteer?

+ How are we going to track down a Puppeteer? Who has some usable ideas?

+ How are we going to ferret out info about the rush on disguise potions?
- Ask Ranse what the ingredients are.
- Keep in mind that the disguise potions may be our only solid lead to catching the panty thief.

+ We have the orgasm cake plan, and we have the working for the thieves' guild plan to get into the entertainers' guild. Does anyone have other plans?
Green Visitor 25th May 2018, 8:30 AM edit delete reply
My opinions: We are sending Valley off to buy nipple piercing. And we will also ask about minimilk, cakes and recovereat while we are here at the bakers guild. I think the bakers will love to have her company for a while .. For .. reasons.

Inzo should be sent to buy some golem and/or mecha parts , and also look for mithril.

+1 for asking Ranse more about disguise potions.

I think the immediate plan should be :
i) How to get into the entertainers guild. Seems our specialty is sex. I think we should tell the guard in fancy armor that we will do a sex show. Remember, Sweet became member for a blowie and probably some dick jokes. I mean, how to better put use of Je Ne Sais Quoi?

In a party of three, which three are the most entertaining? Nast, obviously. Lagrand, probably. He could even do weird tentacly stuff. Inso is asexual. Ranse thinks Lagrand smells like butt, so probably not her. So, Valley or Justice?

ii)This leaves Sweet and Mel for the evening. (we may need to use that stamina potion)
NordicWrath 25th May 2018, 9:03 AM edit delete reply
That was also a long while ago. Now we would have to be way niche fetish-y. A sex show would likely not impress the man.
Green Visitor 25th May 2018, 8:40 AM edit delete reply
And, I forgot. The entertainers guild is the best place to start the puppeteer-search.
Gallstone 25th May 2018, 6:39 AM edit delete reply
Inzo... get out of the mech and into a chair. We can find you pillows if you need them.
This is meant to be a nice, relaxed dinner.
Barswanian 25th May 2018, 8:19 AM edit delete reply
We should really bring up ideas for catching or locating the panty thief.

And it's probably a good idea to share with the group that one reason Nast is interested in sex, is because it can add to the types of magic he can do. It's also fun, of course.

Also, it may be good to ask everyone if they have anything they want to do in Threeroads.

As well as ask if anyone has talents they believe the entertainer's guild would be interested in.
Guest 25th May 2018, 8:27 AM edit delete reply
Maybe this is metagaming, but I think we need to put the panty thief to the side for now, since he is probably the end boss for this venture. we can focus on more near term solutions like helping out the gobs and solving the potion issue.
Barswanian 25th May 2018, 8:41 AM edit delete reply
It seems like something we should ask, to reassure those who joined us, that it is still a problem. Disguises are going to end before long.

Oh; other thing. After other business, ask if anyone is interested in an orgy.
Green Visitor 25th May 2018, 8:31 AM edit delete reply
Green Visitor 25th May 2018, 8:43 AM edit delete reply
That is +1 to Barswanians post. But also + 1 to the metagaming ninja guest.
1977 25th May 2018, 8:46 AM edit delete reply
I think with the possible exception of Justice due to her being with us only for about half a day everyone is aware of Nast getting inspiration from sex.

Discussing a show for the entertainers guild should be done, yes.

Even if we could earn enough money for it I think Sweet's quest is only fulfilled if we earn our entry through a showact:
"An offiiiicial quuuuest." She clears her throat, and returns her tone to normal. "If you can get into the entertainers guild and THEREBY PROVE you're real adventurers with moxie, chutzpah, and whatever else the kids are smoking these days, I'll join your par-tay."
NordicWrath 25th May 2018, 9:01 AM edit delete reply
I think our best bet is some sort of show with the wind wand. Use it with the chem thrower and dance some flames, do a ribbon show with your cloak, whatever, but the wind wand is ripe for entertainment purposes.
NordicWrath 25th May 2018, 8:54 AM edit delete reply
Wouldn't the puppeteer golem creator be able to just work as, y'know, a puppeteer? We could seek out puppeteers, have Rance do a quick ident, and be off if not magick.
Gallstone 25th May 2018, 8:58 AM edit delete reply
Some arguments for Inzo AGAINST a golem army:

+ Prep time: golems are expensive to make. Goblins would need to work hard to find and gather the materials, or would have to pay through the nose for them.
- Bored gobs would wander away from their assigned tasks.
- Gobs who are given money would steal it or spend it and abandon their duties.
- Inzo is the only goblin engineer we know. He'd need an army of engineers to build an army of golems.
(Nobody suggest building a golem-building golem!)

+ Once one nation has a golem army, other nations will take notice and prepare countermeasures. You wind up with an arms race.
- If Inzo builds a golem army, it will technically be at the disposal of the goblin chief. The chief is a fool.
- When two or more nations armed with superweapons (like golem armies) are waiting to see who blinks first, it only takes one fool with twitchy fingers to launch archmage-level calamity.
- If Inzo builds an army and refuses to give control to his chief, the chief will be afraid Inzo wants his throne and have him killed. He gets control of the army... and he is a fool.
- If there's a mass war, the survivors will blame the goblins. They won't be idolated like the archmages, they'll be reviled.
1977 25th May 2018, 9:05 AM edit delete reply
How far along is our plan of a mobile base?
With combined effort we should be able to build a flying ship or something.
Probably another thing a puppeteer could help us with and definitely something that is useful outside a war.
Ghest 25th May 2018, 10:42 AM edit delete reply
It almost looks like Inzo's mech is holding a spoon.
lil Joshu 25th May 2018, 12:46 PM edit delete reply
lil Joshu
I think, for the sake of the future, someone with an enchanting personality should convince Inzo that humans, orcs, elves, etc. are just bigger breeds of goblin, that minitaurs are large goblin/minotaur hybrids. (This can be emphasized by pointing out how similar most of the 'top' races are, yet how different they are from the rest of the animals around, and also show how dogs are all dogs, yet have so many variation too.)

And further, point out that Inzo himself is like a halfway point between human-gobs and green-gobs as he has their appearance but human-like intellect. (In fact, considering that, as far as we know, gobs don't keep parental records and his tribe has a lust for human women, it very well could be that one of his parents was human.)

In fact, might point out that on realizing all the 'other races' are goblin-variants, that goblins have already taken over the world, and trying to do so again with a sub-group of goblins would just cause them to adapt to their environments and turn into more orcs and humans, etc. all over again.

In fact, if he wants to build a world-conquering goblin empire, it'd make more sense to take all these existing "goblin tribes" and get them to unite peacefully.
Gallstone 25th May 2018, 1:07 PM edit delete reply
Or convince him that economic warfare is more likely to reap the results he wants.
He can happily spend a lifetime restructuring goblin society into an economic superpower.
Green Visitor 25th May 2018, 2:10 PM edit delete reply
We have one other entertainment trick. It`s a bit on the edge. We need Justice and Nast, and Lagrande?

The entertainment includes Justices status martyr effect. Nast would take status effect and Justice would transfer them on herself. It`s an elaborate fakir number, classic entertainment.

Current available status effects: Orgasmic cake, Lagrandes poison, genderchange.

If that isn`t enough to entertain the guard, just poison the guard as well and blackmail him into letting us in.

Good wholesome fun for everyone.
Anonymous 25th May 2018, 2:34 PM edit delete reply
We should keep trying to find a way into the Entertainers’ guild. Start by asking around the bakery for anyone who is a member and can get you in. Sure, getting someone for the goblins would be expensive, but we get a jester in the party (puns for days) and can bang the king slime. Given how she “chose” a female form, it’s not unlikely that she will inspire us with a spell to disguise ourselves, so we can sell the potion to the thieves and get back the money we gave to the entertainers.
Anonymous 25th May 2018, 2:35 PM edit delete reply
Plus, it’s probably easier to find someone to let us into the Entertainers’ guild than to find a puppeteer
khylop 25th May 2018, 3:15 PM edit delete reply
The party should agree to explore the town a bit more, before committing to any further actions. It may be that we get some more clues about for example how to get in to the entertainers guild, etc
Probably best to make it Nest, Justice and Ranse?
Barswanian 25th May 2018, 3:59 PM edit delete reply
Still feeling valley, justice, nast. This group just got started.