Comic 94 - Head to the bakers guild

24th May 2018, 4:41 PM in High Roads, Low Roads, Threeroads
Average Rating: 5 (1 votes) Rate this comic
Head to the bakers guild
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Author Notes:

Morgenstern 24th May 2018, 4:41 PM edit delete
On your way out of the thieves guild, you stop and ask the elf behind the front counter about doing work for the guild. You can Reinforce and Identify objects, and would be willing to negotiate on a price.

"You would need to discuss it with the head of the guild, I should think," the elf replies. "Though, I'm sure if you advertised your services to individual members, you may get a few hits. The guildmaster may be hesitant on guild-wide enchantments, as we have... well, more than a few enemies, being a guild of thieves and all. It would be easy for someone to "Reinforce" an object, and put a completely different enchantment on it."

You decide that, next, you should get the whole party together--have a meal, make sure everyone's up to speed, and plan for the future. Since you still want to buy Valley a cake, heading to the bakers guild seems like a good place to meet up.

You, Valley, and Justice head back out into Threeroads. It doesn't take you nearly as long to find the bakers guild as it did the other two--in part because everyone in the street seems familiar with it, but also because you're getting better at navigating the city.

Also unlike the entertainers or thieves guild, the bakers guild appears completely unguarded. You walk right in through the front door.


There are two chefs having a conversation, and some kind of... pig-like creature sitting on the nearby counter.

"Hey," Valley begins. "You guys got like... cakes and stuff?"

"Also other foods, perhaps?," adds Justice. "We are planning to share a dinner with our friends."

The two chefs look at your group... then at each other. They silently play a game of Rock Paper Scissors, with the male chef winning.

"For 25g, I will feed your entire family AND make you the best cake you've ever had!"

"S’il vous plait!," remarks the lady chef. "Only because they have not had MY cake yet."

"You're adorable," replies the male chef, "but your cake is never JUST a cake."

"My cakes are orgasmic, monsieur."

"Yes, they are," agrees the male, before adding "which made for the most awkward dinner party in history. Dessert should be tasty but normal!"

"Says the man who came in all those pastries!," accuses the woman.

"I told you already," the man argues, "it wasn't JUST me. ...I had four friends in on it. And you still ate all of them, because you're nasty!"

"...They were good pastries. Tres bien."

"It was kind of the hottest thing I've ever seen," concludes the male chef.

After an awkward silence, Valley clears her throat. "So... yeah, like. Could we maybe not blow any loads in my cake? That'd be super cool."

"I will pray for this guild," remarks Justice.


Gallstone 24th May 2018, 5:16 PM edit delete reply

Since we're looking to feed our party stuff that everyone is likely to enjoy, I vote we go for food without cum in it.
I mean, Inzo alone would be disgusted, and Valley and Justice clearly aren't on board.

Offer these jokers an extra 5 gp for food that is just, y'know, good food. And buy an extra cake for Valley.
Enquire about the pig... thing for good measure.
Gallstone 24th May 2018, 5:24 PM edit delete reply
By the way, I'm going to assume, based on most recent events, that psychotherapy has not yet been invented in this world. o_o
1977 24th May 2018, 5:38 PM edit delete reply
Psychotherapy? Can you eat that? No? Then you're in the wrong guild. THIS. IS. SP ... um ... the bakers guild!
Y 25th May 2018, 2:40 AM edit delete reply
They already have thieves guild, so this kind of therapy would be redundant...
Guest 24th May 2018, 5:26 PM edit delete reply
And discuss with the others advertising with the Thieves' Guild like the reception elf suggested. Easy money, with any luck.
Ace of Hats 24th May 2018, 5:33 PM edit delete reply
I wonder if you can get inspired by a cake.
Guest 24th May 2018, 6:37 PM edit delete reply
Hm. Hmm...


Let's start with the regular meal. It's a good opportunity to treat our party, if those chefs are half as good as they're telling us.

But yes, an orgasmic dessert sounds intriguing, if only for those willing to try it - and I fully expect some of our friends to be interested.
Fireopal 25th May 2018, 12:08 AM edit delete reply
+1 for eating orgasmic cake
NordicWrath 24th May 2018, 5:33 PM edit delete reply
For later use, I had an idea for an entertaining surprise. Take our cloak and douse it in resist burning. Let that soak in a minute and begin running through a practiced act where we perform a sort of ribbon dance with it using the wind wand. At the very end of the dance, a deinforced gob juice vial is caught in the cloak, bursting, and the thing lights, but doesn't burn. A couple of dramatic spins and circles, and we set it down, stomping or dousing the flame.
Gallstone 24th May 2018, 5:38 PM edit delete reply
That DOES sound pretty cool!
I'm not sure whether that's the kind of burning the potion protects against, though. I thought it was more of a potion of Resist acid.
Also, there are folks who want to use the potion so Nast can do the deed with Queen Slime. ;)
1977 24th May 2018, 5:43 PM edit delete reply
Yup, Gallstone's right. Even though it's called Burn Resist Potion it's meant to prevent acidic burns.
NordicWrath 24th May 2018, 6:16 PM edit delete reply
Then reinforce the robe instead, perhaps?
Guest 24th May 2018, 5:36 PM edit delete reply
Also, people to 'seek inspiration' from:
* Sweet the jester, who seemed to be into the female version of Nast - how long before we revert?
* Mel the thief, who might not be trustworthy and doesn't seem fussed about gender.
* Justice.

Any one of them might inspire a useful or lucrative new spell.
Gallstone 24th May 2018, 5:41 PM edit delete reply
Mel can wait, and may now be unwilling.

Justice is such a sweetheart, I'd recommend letting her make the first move. It'd be better for everyone if she didn't later feel she was seduced into anything.

Sweet is game for anything, so what the heck.
But let's have dinner and a good conversation with the party first. ^_^
Fireopal 25th May 2018, 12:09 AM edit delete reply
Still we should keep Mel or some other thief in mind. A thief could very well inspire us to learn a disguise spell.
Gallstone 24th May 2018, 5:45 PM edit delete reply
An underhanded idea occurs...

We could buy one guaranteed orgasm-cake and have it delivered to the guard at the entertainers' guild. While he's in lala afterglow land (or unconscious), we can sneak in, clearing Sweet's quest and finding someone willing to help clear the goblin quest -- if we still need an entertainer by that point.

I have high hopes for the party dinner and discussion.
1977 24th May 2018, 5:47 PM edit delete reply
Or we deliver the cake to the goblins and nobody has to fuck them.
Gallstone 24th May 2018, 5:50 PM edit delete reply
... Hmm!
Something to discuss with Inzo. If it works, it's a very elegant solution to the conundrum we've been facing.
Jochi 24th May 2018, 6:07 PM edit delete reply
Guest 24th May 2018, 6:59 PM edit delete reply
Twyll 24th May 2018, 7:01 PM edit delete reply
Hmmm. Maybe we use the orgasmic cake as part of the sex golem ruse-- they probably wouldn't be satisfied with cake alone, but if we have a sex golem serve it to them, maybe that'd work?
Nabb 24th May 2018, 7:04 PM edit delete reply
Hellbovine 24th May 2018, 7:30 PM edit delete reply
+1 to using the orgasmic cake as a part of the sex golem
Pobblebonk 24th May 2018, 7:47 PM edit delete reply
Why not a reinforced cake golem then?
TheMightyDragonLizard 24th May 2018, 10:03 PM edit delete reply
This sounds like an AMAZING PLAN... if it works... and if Justice lets us do this. But I still think we should try to get some NORMAL food to try and feed the whole party and catch everyone up on the plan.
Fireopal 25th May 2018, 12:10 AM edit delete reply
We need to try some of this orgasmic cake ourselves to see if it does deliver on its promises. For science, of course.
1977 24th May 2018, 5:52 PM edit delete reply
So now we have the following solutions to our goblinquest:
1. Fuck them all ourself
2. Find others who will fuck them
3. Build a SexBot9001
4. Give them the special cake
5. Let the Spider eat them

Did I forget something?
Gallstone 24th May 2018, 5:56 PM edit delete reply
Hope they just forget and stay at home.
Krylo 24th May 2018, 6:13 PM edit delete reply
I still vote for the spider.
Fireopal 25th May 2018, 12:12 AM edit delete reply
I wonder if the goblins eat orgasmic cake, and then the spider eats the goblins, does the spider get a contact orgasm?
Gallstone 25th May 2018, 1:45 AM edit delete reply
I don't think spiders have the equipment for orgasms.
Barswanian 24th May 2018, 5:59 PM edit delete reply
Were they orgasmic before or after the male chef and his friends came in them? If before, that sounds perfect, let's treat our friends.

If orgasmic after, then how about we get her pastries without the additive, because I don't trust the male chef around food.
The Chicken Guy 24th May 2018, 5:59 PM edit delete reply
I am quite confused. Is this normal? Is this an established thing?
Gallstone 24th May 2018, 6:19 PM edit delete reply
I hope most people are not aware of this.
And that the 'gotcha' food does not leave the premises. 0_0
Gallstone 24th May 2018, 6:19 PM edit delete reply
I hope most people are not aware of this.
And that the 'gotcha' food does not leave the premises. 0_0
Nieki 24th May 2018, 6:00 PM edit delete reply
J... just a normal, ordinary meal. Just one ordinary meal for us and our.... FAMILY. Yes. Yessss. Ahem.

Seriously, how is the BAKER'S GUILD the guild that we find creepiest so far? I'm +1 to getting the entire Party together, though. Over a meal that has zero orgasms in it.
Gallstone 24th May 2018, 6:18 PM edit delete reply
Green Visitor 25th May 2018, 2:38 AM edit delete reply

These are either decadent masterchefs that have become bored with regular food or quasi-alchemist using food as potions. We were going for a meal, not magic. However, they are prob going to be real interested in Valleys plan for recovereat, minimilk cakes or whatever.
Gallstone 24th May 2018, 6:17 PM edit delete reply
You know, this is a city.
There must be restaurants.
Strike that, there must be inns with their own kitchens. (Low profile and all.)

Let's go to one of those.
barswanian 24th May 2018, 6:20 PM edit delete reply
I mean we could.

Or we could have a full meal, some desserts. A group meeting think tank session. And an invitational orgy.
Gallstone 25th May 2018, 1:46 AM edit delete reply
We could have that without putting weird **** in the food. :-/
William H 24th May 2018, 8:02 PM edit delete reply
One of our spells is Reinforce, but we also have it's opposite Deinforce, which makes things more brittle and fragile yeah? why can't we use that to help the guild pop and bust up padlocks and bank doors and what not that are too tough for normal theivings
NordicWrath 24th May 2018, 9:19 PM edit delete reply
Gandalf 24th May 2018, 9:51 PM edit delete reply
We're in enough trouble as it is without aiding and abetting any bank heists.
Tech 24th May 2018, 10:20 PM edit delete reply
+1 to not robbing the bank. Banks started out as a side-business for knightly orders IIRC, so we'd end up having to fight a Boss.
Gallstone 25th May 2018, 1:53 AM edit delete reply
The royal guard is already after our hide. If we turn bank robber, every city guard will start putting in a genuine effort as well.
So far, the search has been relatively low-key because people have probably been bemused by the panty thief's choice of target, and feelings of violation aside, underwear is easy enough to replace. The king is just furious because his daughter got hit and his palace security made to look inconsequential.
If the master criminal starts going after people's hard-earned money, the population is going to panic and we won't be safe anywhere.
If we start doing jobs for the thieves' guild cracking safes, it's only a matter of time before someone blabs, and we're toast.
Insomniak 24th May 2018, 10:45 PM edit delete reply
I'd say we try talking them into a competition, with us as the judges. Maybe 30g, winner takes all?