Comic 92 - Go see Mel

23rd May 2018, 3:15 PM in High Roads, Low Roads, Threeroads
Average Rating: 5 (2 votes) Rate this comic
Go see Mel
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Author Notes:

Morgenstern 23rd May 2018, 3:15 PM edit delete
After some internal debate, you... decline Justice's offer. You appreciate her enthusiasm, but this isn't a "for the good of mankind" kind of thing. Someone, somewhere out there actually WANTS to bang a bunch of goblins, and you're going to find them.

You'll keep her in mind as an absolute last resort, but uh... you can't imagine a scenario in which this situation requires a last resort.

"Inzo can like, build stuff, right?," Valley asks. "Couldn't he totally make like... I dunno, a sex golem or some junk?"

You consider it. Inzo's mech is effective, to be sure, but you're not sure how convincing (or sexy) of a construct he could make. Sexy doesn't really seem to be a thing he looks for. Between Inzo's ingenuity and Lagrand's... uh... magical knowhow? Whatever it is Lagrand has, you think you've ALMOST got the beginnings of a plan on that front. Making a functional sex doll seems like a bridge too far even for the two of them, though.

"Are the goblin men not pleased with their goblin women?," Justice asks.

"Oh, yeah," Valley remarks with some disgust in her voice. "That's like... a whole 'nother issue. The women look like the men? So the men don't want them?"

"Perhaps all they need is a makeover," Justice replies.

Valley chuckles, but then shrugs. "I mean... like, it's not the worst idea? It would TOTALLY be better than half our party dropping our pants for a bunch of gobs. Just... like... unless Nast wants to teach all the goblins how to be a charmer, I don't know how we'd go about that?"

For now, you put it on the backburner. The chief did say you weren't being rushed--whatever answer you come to, the tribe wants it to be a good one.

You turn your attention back to Sweet. You ask if everyone in her fan club gets the uh... same benefits that goblin does.

Sweet smiles wide, nibbling lightly at her lower lip. "Hey, if you wanna take on the role of being my official ass kisser, THAT membership is free. It'd be nice to have a fan who's not... um..." She tips her head, motioning with a silly face toward the goblin. "That guy."

You invite her to join your party. You'll be traveling the kingdom, and you could appreciate her brand of humor.

"On the one hand," she starts, physically lifting one hand into the air, "getting out of this town WOULD really spice up my career! I'm a big fish in a small pond. The world needs to see my... artistic vision. Which is mostly dick jokes and bad wordplay, but still. On the other hand..." She lifts her other hand into the air. "The last time someone offered to take me places, it was really just a theatrical production of Plow The Jester: A Play in Three Parts.

And the parts were my face, butt, and vajeen.

On the OTHER hand..."

She glances at her two hands, currently in the air. She looks at Holkurg who, with a sigh, lifts one of his hands for her.

Sweet continues. "I think I'd love finding your fingers in weird places, and I can't let one bad day keep me from taking risks. SO! I'll think about it. I'll tell ya what, I'll give you..." Sweet does her best impression of a wisened old man voice. "An offiiiicial quuuuest." She clears her throat, and returns her tone to normal. "If you can get into the entertainers guild and THEREBY PROVE you're real adventurers with moxie, chutzpah, and whatever else the kids are smoking these days, I'll join your par-tay."

Sweet shoves the goblin aside, the bells in her hair jingling as she strolls up closer to you. She leans in close... really close, her breath hot on your ear as she whispers. "If you ever just wanna bump uglies, though, I have a very free schedule and a lot of issues I'd love to have fucked out of me."

Sweet then proceeds to give two squeezes to one of your breasts, accompanied by a very not-whispered "Honk honk."

She turns, and resumes having a casual conversation with the orc.

You make a note of the offer--both of them--but for the moment head off to go find Mel. Your number of quests, obligations, and meetings to have is starting to stack up, and you need to knock a few out.

You, Valley, and Justice make your way through the guild. You count the number of doors as you make your way down a long hall, recalling the instructions the dark elf behind the counter gave you. Eventually, you reach what should be Mel's door.

You knock. Mel peers through a slat in the door, then opens up, giving a faint smirk. "Wow, ya actually showed up. I almost didn't recognize you with the boobs." She then glances at Valley, and at Justice. Mel hmms, leaning against the door frame. "Can't say I'm really the exhibitionist type, though." Mel reaches out, touching a gloved hand to your cheek. She grins. "You wanna do this... ya gotta send the entourage away. I WAS gonna ride your dick, but I guess I can improvise."


Gallstone 23rd May 2018, 4:17 PM edit delete reply
Business before pleasure, darlin'.

Let's see if Mel can hook us up with any jobs where we can use Reinforce to make some mad money -- where the city guard won't be so quick to spot us.
In other words, work on the shady side.
Once we know that, eh. *shrug*
K3001 23rd May 2018, 4:27 PM edit delete reply
Also, we need to be disguised good enough to be hidden from guards. We're running low on potions. Hm... Does this whole supply of disguise potions needed somewhere or it's just hidden so no one else could use these?
Guest 24th May 2018, 1:36 AM edit delete reply
Mel is a professional thief... can she steal us a membership card for the Guild of Entertainers?
Gallstone 23rd May 2018, 4:22 PM edit delete reply
Um. Hm. An uncharitable thought occurs.
We're uh, we're sure Mel isn't planning to just knock us out and sell us to the city guard for the reward, yes?
Green Visitor 23rd May 2018, 4:37 PM edit delete reply
Agreed, and count our gold twice before leaving.
Nabb 23rd May 2018, 7:15 PM edit delete reply
I just wanna get some weight behind this.
NordicWrath 23rd May 2018, 4:24 PM edit delete reply
First of all, jump on that. Give Valley and Justice a safe word that if they hear it shouted you will have backup to bust in, but jump on that. Second, I think that we could do some sort of stunt with the wind want and a bottle of gob juice if Inzo can make it. Throw the bottle, BAM, insta flame tornado. Or we could make little flicking motions and make some flower petals dance in the air. Not sure.
NordicWrath 23rd May 2018, 4:24 PM edit delete reply
First of all, jump on that. Give Valley and Justice a safe word that if they hear it shouted you will have backup to bust in, but jump on that. Second, I think that we could do some sort of stunt with the wind want and a bottle of gob juice if Inzo can make it. Throw the bottle, BAM, insta flame tornado. Or we could make little flicking motions and make some flower petals dance in the air. Not sure.
The Chicken Guy 23rd May 2018, 4:41 PM edit delete reply
Could work, Candy seems interesting, willing to have fun, and as a thieve's guild member, she probably has some good skills. Also, she comes with a free ass goblin. So thats..... good?
Magister Dicks it 23rd May 2018, 5:49 PM edit delete reply
+1 to the safe word, that's really convenient!
Guest 23rd May 2018, 4:26 PM edit delete reply
Ask Mel if she has any ideas for keeping Nast disguised. The potions aren't much use and they're in short supply, and until we find the real thief that's our biggest issue.
Guest 23rd May 2018, 5:24 PM edit delete reply
+1 more important than banging, though don't rule it out. Also ask Valley and Justice their opinion on this. No use alienating your party for a 1 night stand.
Barswanian 23rd May 2018, 4:26 PM edit delete reply
Wink to friends, agree with Mel, but have'em just be down the hall or some such.

Let Mel have privacy, enjoy ourselves and talk in afterglow. :)
Guest 23rd May 2018, 4:39 PM edit delete reply
+1 to that
Barswanian 23rd May 2018, 5:46 PM edit delete reply
Valley and Justice maybwant to talk anyways. Valley knows what's going on and could fill in Justice.
1977 23rd May 2018, 4:33 PM edit delete reply
Seems like the sexgolem gets some real consideration.
Maybe we should then search for the magesguild or the blacksmith or whoever usually makes golems.
Inzo and Lagrand can maybe build one but to get them to actually function might need some magic we don't know about yet.
The golem can't be like the statues in the temple, they needed either fairies or some other internal controller, our golem must run on their own forever(or until the tribe drops dead because they forgot to eat due to all the fucking).
Gallstone 23rd May 2018, 4:36 PM edit delete reply
We need to have a sitdown with the whole party.
Ranse might know some alchemical tricks that could fill in the gaps left by Inzo's and Lagrand's work.
1977 23rd May 2018, 4:39 PM edit delete reply
A bit unrelated, but could you add GUILDS to the LORE-TAB?
I guess it could add to GENERAL together with Classes and Locations.
JiggilyJoe 23rd May 2018, 4:55 PM edit delete reply
Something just occurred to me. I believe Mel thinks we are the panty thief! No wonder she wants to bang Nast! It would be a pretty big bragging right to say she did the notorious thief, or to turn us in if she wanted to.
Either way we need to be cautious.
Also, she said that she really wants to ride Nasts Dick, and that isn't happening right now, so she will have to wait.
Maybe we can her a good dicking later though if she can get us into the entertainment guild?
NordicWrath 23rd May 2018, 5:00 PM edit delete reply
It's probably more likely that she'll knock us out and take us to the authorities. Not good to have guards in the thieves' guild.
Guest 23rd May 2018, 5:24 PM edit delete reply
yeah I do not trust her yet either
Krylo 23rd May 2018, 5:32 PM edit delete reply
Go for it.

Best case we're get inspired and possibly some new information.

Worst case, prison break part 2 and we know who we can trust.
Hambone 23rd May 2018, 5:54 PM edit delete reply
Hey, side note, Candy may not know we're in disguise. I don't remember if it was mentioned that we normally have a penis.
Guest 23rd May 2018, 6:08 PM edit delete reply
Although I think the normal way of solving the gob quest is by the entertainment guild, I'm starting to like the sex golem idea.
It serves not only for the quest, but it may become a great asset in our adventure, an ally even.
Also, maybe we can even get inspired by it =O
Hellbovine 23rd May 2018, 6:09 PM edit delete reply
This guest was me...
Sonico 23rd May 2018, 9:20 PM edit delete reply
I know we are pilling up on the sidequests without solving any, but considering we are finally in a big city, we might as well use the opportunity to check on those nipple piercings Valley was interested into...supposing she still is, of course.
Krylo 23rd May 2018, 9:26 PM edit delete reply
Also, I'd just like to point out that in MOST settings someone asking you to not bring two extra people in for a random hook up would be considered pretty normal.
Gallstone 24th May 2018, 2:45 AM edit delete reply
Very true. It's just that in this world, so far no one we've been with has outright objected to having an audience.
No one.
HeDroX 23rd May 2018, 11:53 PM edit delete reply
As Mel rather likes a dick, we should stick to the Entertainment Guild Quest. We might use the abilities of our party so far to entertain the guard. What's about Lagrand choke masturbating the guard with his brambling hands. That should at least be some uncommen sexual practice. Or maybe Ranse could brew some perfume or drug that bewitches the guard or put him in an ecstasy.