Comic 91 - Talk to the jester

22nd May 2018, 9:38 PM in High Roads, Low Roads, Threeroads
Average Rating: 5 (2 votes) Rate this comic
Talk to the jester
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Author Notes:

Morgenstern 22nd May 2018, 9:38 PM edit delete
You ask the elf to hold off on signalling Mel juuust yet. You have some quick business to take care of first.

You give Valley a quick kiss, prompting a surprised grin from her, before heading over to the group on the right side of the room.

As you draw close, the girl in the jester's garb's eyes widen, and a huge smile crosses her face.

"A mage, a cleric, and a minitaur walk into the thieves guild. I feel like there's a joke there, I just don't know the punchline!"

You make some small talk, distracting the jester enough that she... puts up substantially less of a fight against the goblin. He happily buries his face in her ass, her tights leaving little between him and her bare backside.

"I'm Sweet," she says. She motions to her costume. "See, I'm going for a whole... cotton candy... thing, nevermind. This," she motions to the orc, "is Holkurg, who I just met! And thiiis..."

Sweet tries to turn around to demonstrate the goblin, but the goblin turns with her, his face never leaving her butt cheeks. She ends up turning all the way back around to face you, and giving a huge shrug. "Is my biggest fan! I don't know his name 'cuz I don't speak Gobby."

The goblin says something, but it's muffled by ass. Justice leans over to Valley and whispers, "I know what he said, but I... am not going to repeat that out loud."

"So!," concludes the jester, "what can I do ya for?"

You bring up the entertainer's guild, and their rather exorbitant fee for entry.

"Wow, that IS a lot! I got in for a blowie and a couple jokes, but that was aaages ago. I guess they're not... CASTing the net as wide these days!"

There's an awkward silence.

Sweet points a pair of finger guns at you. "Y'know. 'Cuz... you're a caster. They can't all be winners, guys. Look, if they're charging 1000g... hmm. I'll give ya one of MY cards for 500, 'cuz you're cute."

Valley scratches her head. "That's, like... still a lot, though?"

"It IS half the price," Justice reasons. "I think that's very kind."

"Well, don't have a COW over it," Sweet replies. "I'd give it to ya for NUN, but I'm having a bit of a dry SPELL. Eh? EH?"

More finger guns.


You also--politely, naturally--bring up the long, sordid series of events that put you on your quest for the goblin tribe. You ask, since... Sweet seems pretty okay with this one goblin motorboating her buttocks, if maybe she could consider doing a favor for a whole tribe...?

"You'd, like," Valley starts, but pauses, "toootally come out of it with a bunch more fans?"

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm," puzzles Sweet. She taps at her chin, staring off toward the ceiling, miming out deep thought. "Nah," she concludes. "It's fun having this one little guy obsess over muh bootay, but THAT sounds like a party I don't want to host. A real GOB of... trouble...?"

She fades out halfway through the joke when she sees Holkurg shaking his head.

"Fine," she pouts. "It was bad, I can see that now. But yeah, ONE goblin fanatic is good enough for me. Sorry though! I'm aiming for a bigger audience. And by bigger, I mean at least my height maybe?"

"Well, that totally blows," Valley remarks. "We like... still don't have the money for a membership card? And we still have like, nobody for the goblins."

"I'll do it," Justice says simply.

Valley turns, giving her the blankest of stares. "...Wha?"

"I'll do it," Justice repeats more confidently. "To prevent a war? It would be wrong of me NOT to. I will give myself to the goblins."

"Like..." Valley takes a breath, lightly shaking her head. "It's a small war. Like, just gobs and slimes? It's toootally not that big of a deal."

"You are planning to pay well beyond your means, and have traveled this far, to prevent this war." Justice clasps her hands together. "I can handle the goblins. They, and the slimes, should be allowed peace just as much as anyone of us."

"I mean..." Valley shrugs her shoulders. "We came all this way to like, stop the panty thief. ...And I think this is mostly about Nast like, doing a slime?" She adds more quietly, "Also me doing a slime, probably?"

Sweet, who's been listening quietly (with a goblin's face in her ass), does a double take. "Yowza, you guys are living some life!"

Valley gives a bigger shrug. "It's, like... a looong series of stories. Most of 'em pretty stupid." She turns back to Justice. "This is, like, a LOT of goblins. A looot. Like, the smartest goblin in the tribe couldn't COUNT the goblins, a lot."

Justice nods. "I understand. It would just weigh heavy on my conscience if you continued to struggle over this, when I could do something about it myself."

Valley looks at you, and gives another, even bigger shrug.


Mochi 22nd May 2018, 10:19 PM edit delete reply
justice, honey, no, we can find someone else to fuck the gobs. it's okay.
Gallstone 23rd May 2018, 12:34 AM edit delete reply
+1. 0_0 Just... no. Please, no. We, uh, we still have time to look. No rush.
Barswanian 23rd May 2018, 12:42 AM edit delete reply
I mean, yes, would prefer Justice not martyr herself on this.

Getting her to realize that likely still means insuring she knows what she is getting into, and that means entertainer's guild.
Guest 23rd May 2018, 1:27 AM edit delete reply
+1 Not anyone from our party, really
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 1:36 AM edit delete reply
+1 definitely not!!
TheMightyDragonLizard 23rd May 2018, 2:56 AM edit delete reply
+1... seriously tho there is something wrong with this girl. We should keep looking for other Goblin f***ers andif there's time but SERIOUSLY... maybe start looking into the back story of her cult upbringing.
Rubber 23rd May 2018, 3:53 AM edit delete reply


We can't do that to Justice. At best that can be a last resort, we definitely shouldn't leap at the chance.
Nieki 23rd May 2018, 3:33 AM edit delete reply
Words have completely failed me at this turn of events. M--maybe she should talk to Inzo, so she has at least--at least some idea of what she's getting into? (Unless she IS into that. Woof.)
Anon 23rd May 2018, 3:54 AM edit delete reply
Don't let Justice do it
Polenk 23rd May 2018, 10:16 AM edit delete reply
inability to count the goblins is not doing Justice..
Tentechoes 22nd May 2018, 10:29 PM edit delete reply
Yoooooo tell Justice that we will find someone else despite that fact that she wants to finish the war. Also tell her that we appreciate the help( idontwanthervaginatobefilledwithgobcumree) lets find someone else who is willing to do it.
Crestlinger 22nd May 2018, 10:39 PM edit delete reply
Barswanian 22nd May 2018, 10:41 PM edit delete reply
"It's Jest, Sweet, we've got a lot on our plate."

Justice... If she's serious about this, will need some amount of training. May need more then the one stamina potion we have as well.

It may be better to find someone with the skillset to do so, to insure it is accomplished.

Also, Sweet, how do you feel about the current audience ringing your bells? :P
New Player 22nd May 2018, 10:42 PM edit delete reply
Let her fuck the gobs, on the condition she can handle it, getting railed by Us, Lagrand, and maybe Inzo?
New Player 22nd May 2018, 10:53 PM edit delete reply
Also, while we are here, why not Mel? (Course we are a woman right now...)
Sonico 23rd May 2018, 11:56 AM edit delete reply
I think that was actually proposed before, she said no and was the one to actually suggest the Entertainers Guild.
Sonico 23rd May 2018, 12:18 AM edit delete reply
+1 to that. While we respect Justice's initiative, getting an idea of how well she can handle herself would be nice for all parts involved.
Guest 22nd May 2018, 10:45 PM edit delete reply
What's Holkurg's story?
Green Visitor 23rd May 2018, 3:42 PM edit delete reply
Second that, get a few words in with Hokurg, but not a full conversation. No need to antagonize random people by overlooking them.
Anon 22nd May 2018, 10:49 PM edit delete reply
If Justice wants to do it, I'd say let her. But tell her that there is a lot of goblins, and she should do it right.

Which means stamina training! Both kinky and the normal kind.
Guest 22nd May 2018, 11:26 PM edit delete reply
+1 Take her up on the offer, but make it clear she can back out if later if needed. Also, offer to help her prepare with you and Valley, possibly Inzo if we can find him.
WondersandThinkers 22nd May 2018, 10:59 PM edit delete reply
I Wonder...
How is the self-esteem of the female goblins holding up? I mean, every man around them thinks they're ugly, despite probably looking just like the men.
Also the goblins aren't really thinking "Gob is best!" with their standards of beauty pointing at every other race.
I just think a roll in the hay with Justice won't fix anything long term.
Gallstone 23rd May 2018, 12:36 AM edit delete reply
+1. Maybe we should've been looking into transformation potions for the female goblins, instead.
Nabb 23rd May 2018, 7:07 PM edit delete reply
+1 to this. I wanna know what's up with the female gobs. All of a sudden I feel like we've missed something huge.
Guest 22nd May 2018, 11:40 PM edit delete reply
Let her do it so we can stop asking others to do so.
The chicken guy 22nd May 2018, 11:48 PM edit delete reply
Ok, Sweet is awesome. I want her in the party. Puns forever.
Cloudy 22nd May 2018, 11:56 PM edit delete reply
+1 to this if she doesn’t join our fighting party, but just, tags along, and can always be heard making terrible puns at /any given moment/. Even when we thought she wasn’t even there.
Barswanian 23rd May 2018, 12:19 AM edit delete reply
I'm good with sweet tagging along, if she is.
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 1:39 AM edit delete reply
+1 we need more jokes and puns!
Tech 23rd May 2018, 2:31 AM edit delete reply
+1 awful jokes forever and always.
Green Visitor 23rd May 2018, 3:44 PM edit delete reply
+1 need a discount for entertainers guild, and she is interested in the party. Besides, she is probably hilarious in a fight.
Cloudy 22nd May 2018, 11:55 PM edit delete reply
I had something but I... I just can’t get stranger cats out of my head.

This was an unexpected chain of events, um, to Mels room?
We should make our decision on that after we check out all our other current options, which we should do after we talk with Mel. Yes.
Fireopal 23rd May 2018, 12:21 AM edit delete reply
I agree. Let's check out our other options first before we commit to Justice doing this for us.
Benjerbro 23rd May 2018, 12:23 AM edit delete reply
I say we let Justice handle the gobs (after we've "conditioned" her), but only if we can't find a solid way of getting a whore. Also let's remember the risk of STDs, Justice could get hurt here.
Benjerbro 23rd May 2018, 12:25 AM edit delete reply
WE COULD SELL OUR DISGUISE POTION! They're paying out the wazoo for them
Cloudy 23rd May 2018, 12:37 AM edit delete reply
Ok so we will probably have to actively hunt down the ingredients for disguise potions, even just the ingredients sell well here.

Also can we please give Valley the last disguise potion and let her plow us?
Barswanian 23rd May 2018, 12:40 AM edit delete reply
As hot as that maybe, we really need it to be an escape mechanism should we get caught in the open.
Cloudy 23rd May 2018, 12:59 AM edit delete reply
We got 24 hours with this and only one more potion. Plus we really are only girl Nast, in the right light we still match our posters. We need a more permanent or at least more, eh, reliable? Disguise. I know someone suggested a mask once, that’s a good idea, albeit a tad suspicious. Perhaps someone in the thieves guild might have some idea.
So, if we go that rout, then we have this extra sex change potion lying around...
Cloudy 23rd May 2018, 12:59 AM edit delete reply
Oops, this was meant to be a reply to the one above, mb
Nabb 23rd May 2018, 7:09 PM edit delete reply
Espylacopa 23rd May 2018, 1:44 AM edit delete reply
If Justice's proposal is acceptable(Personally I don't have any problem with it.) then after we're done here at the thieves' guild we should switch out Valley for Inzo and see if there's any mythril within our price range in Threeroads. For now, though, let's drop in on Mel.
Cloudy 23rd May 2018, 2:01 AM edit delete reply
You’re my hero.
+1. Fo Inzo
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 3:03 AM edit delete reply
+1 for inzo, but I disagree about justice
Espylacopa 23rd May 2018, 3:33 AM edit delete reply
Clarification: When I say I don't have a problem with Justice having sex with a bunch of goblins that doesn't mean I'm in favor of it. To be honest I have no strong feelings one way or the other on that matter.
Espylacopa 23rd May 2018, 2:13 AM edit delete reply
Also, hard no on selling the disguise potion. Until we get some sort of sex-change spell it's something we're better off keeping.
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 1:50 AM edit delete reply
I really don't think Justice should fuck the goblins. Look how pure and good she is, it's basically coercion and rape! It'd be better for us to do it with the disguise potion.
Plus are we even sure that finding someone to service them all is a good idea? I agree with WondersandThinkers, is it really a long term solution?
If we are set on that route maybe we could seduce Sweet for the card? Get valley to jiggle her tits too? I think we should talk to Mel about money and obviously bonk her too.
Gallstone 23rd May 2018, 2:11 AM edit delete reply
I keep saying we should combine the party's abilities to make the gobs a sex golem.
Threeroads must have parts Inzo can use to build the frame. Lagrand can research a spell to clothe it in pliant plant material. Ranse can make any number of useful potions to keep the organic parts going. Nast can reinforce the whole thing.
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 3:02 AM edit delete reply
+1 they don't seem too hard to fool either. I agree this is a better idea than letting Justice martyr herself
Green Visitor 23rd May 2018, 3:48 PM edit delete reply
+1 . But basically, a consenting and informed tribal worker is less nefarious than paying someone IMO.
1977 23rd May 2018, 2:02 AM edit delete reply
+1 to Justice and the goblins

We can ask Inzo and Sweet's fan if they're up for a warmup round with us to get used to goblins first.

Assure her that she doesn't have to do the whole tribe, only half of it at most since Nast is doing the other half.
Tech 23rd May 2018, 2:28 AM edit delete reply
I knew our nun would turn out to be naughty.
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 4:01 AM edit delete reply
Nah look, she doesn't want to she just see's it as a duty.
ZincFingers 23rd May 2018, 2:35 AM edit delete reply
Ask Sweets about how someone becomes a member of her fan club, and if if all fans get the same treatment. It’s a big plus for her as well, since we are about the same height and that’s exactly what she said she was looking for.
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 3:00 AM edit delete reply
+1 I like your thinking
Rubber 23rd May 2018, 3:57 AM edit delete reply
+1 for fucking Sweet
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 4:24 AM edit delete reply
After reading through the comments, as of posting this it appears the positions are as follows

Against justice martyring herself/only as very last resort->14 votes
Solomon (me)
The Mighty Dragon Lizard
Rubber (last resort)
Fireopal (last resort)
ZincFingers (last resort)
Magister Dicks it

Abstaining or delayed decision -> 5
Barswanian (though would prefer not)
Tech (I think)

For Justice fucking the goblins ->9 votes
New Player
Sonico (though a bit more reserved? - see how well she can handle herself)
Anon (I assume a different anon)
Guest (and I assume a different guest) [may have voted twice or been two different people]
Hellbovine (but no hurry)

Seems pretty close. I'd say it's not enough for accepting, but is close enough to hold off on the issue. Maybe a last resort? Try other avenues first. Though there are a few who will accept it as a last resort.

In terms of the disguise potion we have
->2 votes to sell
->4 votes to keep
->1 vote for give to Valley

So keep that for now too.

There does seem to be a consensus on fucking Justice ourselves however. Consensus on fucking Mel and Sweet too, as well as seeing if they might join the party (though Mel has already said she's just about the money now)
And after this trying to get some mythril for inzo. People have also suggested that inzo talk to justice about it.
I'd suggest a big group meet up once finished in this guild.

(PS if I have counted anyone's votes wrong or misrepresented, just comment)

EDIT: Seems less close now...
ZincFingers 23rd May 2018, 4:37 AM edit delete reply
Put me down for letting her do it only as a last resort.

We can still try the entertainers guild. Speaking of, if things go well with Mel, maybe we can get her to steal us a membership card from somewhere.
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 5:34 AM edit delete reply
There you go
ChompytheChainChomp 23rd May 2018, 8:12 AM edit delete reply
I vote for NOT having justice do it
Fireopal 23rd May 2018, 9:24 AM edit delete reply
I think you've pretty much summed it up. I don't want Justice to do it. She has given us an out if we can't find another way, but I think this should be way last resort.

+1 for us fucking everyone else.
Magister Dicks it 23rd May 2018, 9:34 AM edit delete reply
sex should never be done out of a sense of duty.
very noble (and naive) attitude from Justice, but she should only have sex when she rationally and bodily wants it. I'm all for consent, real pleasure and curiosity :)

But anyway we should really try to:
1 - empower the goblin females. It's not normal for a whole species to lust after other species and ditching their own - extinction warning.
make goblin sex great again xD
2 - make a sex golem or doll. The goblins shouldn't be hard to fool specially with the skills of our party members.
Fireopal 23rd May 2018, 2:53 PM edit delete reply
+1 for keeping the potion. We need it more than we need more money
killini 23rd May 2018, 6:17 AM edit delete reply
I think it's a great idea for the nun to host a gob-gangbang. She might even like it, and it's good to try new things right?
Hellbovine 23rd May 2018, 6:31 AM edit delete reply
+1 to let justice do what she wants. But there is no hurry, lots of things to do around here.
Also, let inzo have some screen time already. There is the mithril and he could talk to the jester fan there.
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 7:23 AM edit delete reply
I'd Like to add that s far, everyone who has ever bonked a goblin had said they don't want to do it again. We've only just met Justice, let's not subject her to that
NordicWrath 23rd May 2018, 8:22 AM edit delete reply
Sell a disguise potion and buy the half-price card. Lagrande probably has a barkskin sort of spell that could help disguise us, or we could take Rance out to gather ingredients for a potion reeeal quick.
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 10:38 AM edit delete reply
You can see lagrands spells in the party tab. And I don't think the ingredients are from around this area, that's why they get shipped but have all been going missing. Hopefully we'll be able to sort out a better and more longterm disguise, but for now should hold onto the potion, if we need to sell it we can, but we couldn't buy it back if we need it. However there's the possibility to learn more about what's happening to all the disguise potions if we sell it... Something to think about
NordicWrath 23rd May 2018, 10:44 AM edit delete reply
Hey, thanks for the info! I still say selling is a good idea, there are plenty more ways to disguise an enchanter than t&a.
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 10:47 AM edit delete reply
But not that we have access to right now, other than our dyed hair
NordicWrath 23rd May 2018, 8:24 AM edit delete reply
I would also like to put my vote in to no on Justice doing the gobs.
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 10:38 AM edit delete reply
Added to the tally
Magister Dicks it 23rd May 2018, 9:44 AM edit delete reply
Evil plan:

make a sex doll/golem also with the help of the slimes.
When they stick their dicks inside they will burn and never be able to have sex again. Then they would focus on other things and our goblin inventor could lead them better.

but these are a few logic jumps that don't make this idea very plausible xD
and goblins are little assholes but they don't deserve as much as a castration of the entire (local) species.

I wonder, are goblin females victims in this whole thing? or do they prefer the way things are now? we don't know their position in their society, plans, intentions, needs and ambitions. we should investigate all that
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 10:34 AM edit delete reply
Somehow I don't think that is the best plan :D haha but +1 for talking to female goblins
Twyll 23rd May 2018, 1:32 PM edit delete reply
Justice, thank you for your willingness to put yourself out there on our behalf, but we really don't want to do that to you if you're not *really* into it. We want enthusiastic consent, not noble resignation!

...Granted, if she's actually super excited about the idea I'm fine with it, but seriously, if she has ANY doubts, let's find another way.

Either creating a magical sex doll or talking with the goblin women and seeing what the sexual disconnect is among their people would be good ideas. Maybe we can imbue the gob women with some of our je ne sais quois somehow. Although goblins are known for reproducing *incredibly* quickly, so maybe we don't wanna cause a massive population explosion... Which would make the sex golem a wiser solution. With our talents combined, I think we could make a pretty decent one.
Anonymous 23rd May 2018, 3:40 PM edit delete reply
You know, people are trying to work out how to get a membership card for the Entertainers’ guild... we’re standing in the guild of thieves! Just have Mel STEAL ONE! Get into the entertainers’ guild, pay someone to bang the goblins instead of justice. After that, victory sex with the king slime, who will, with a bit of luck, inspire us with a shape-changing spell. We could then sell the disguise potion to the thieves’ guild and get back the money we used to pay the entertainer. It’s a bit of a risk, but I reckon we might be able to pull it off.
SolomontheLionheart 23rd May 2018, 3:56 PM edit delete reply
Green Visitor 23rd May 2018, 3:58 PM edit delete reply
Someone said sex shouldn`t be done out of duty, all the while the plan is getting someone to do it for money instead. If Justice makes an informed decision it may be her making her own destiny. However, if she likely will end up as a broken bird, as per the trope, it`s a no.
Alex Nipal 27th May 2018, 1:07 AM edit delete reply
Accept Justice's offer, but go with her using the last Disguise Potion. That way we can make this chore easier for both Justice and us, and we can intervene if it goes too far.