Comic 39 - Talk to Lagrand

28th Apr 2018, 7:31 PM in Humble Beginnings at Humblestart
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Talk to Lagrand
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Author Notes:

Morgenstern 28th Apr 2018, 7:31 PM edit delete
You ask Lagrand why he's making the killer mushrooms... uhhh... be killer mushrooms.

"Oh," he begins, with some hesitance. "That's not my doing, to be honest. I believe the waters that run through these woods have been tainted, the magic that circulates through the forest floor made corrupt. There's an old temple not far from here, in the middle of an old pond--a place where fairies cavort. If you're seeking simply to resolve the monster issue, you may need to take it up with them."

Why does Lagrand want to be feared? Why try to build a reputation as some foul villain? Won't that just lead to guards and bounty hunters and other miscellaneous adventurers coming after him?

"Perhaps," he replies, throwing some excess hair from his face, "but I'll take a handful of daring hero types over the mass public. I seek solitude, and I cannot have it with every villager rushing into the woods to seek my aid. I'd like to strike that perfect balance--just feared enough to not be bothered, but not so fiendish that someone feels obligated to stop me."

You ask how long he's been standing here, striking dramatic poses and waiting for heroes to come wandering up.

"That's not the *entirety* of what I've been doing here," he snaps back. "I've been meditating."

Valley grins. "You were totally taking a nap, huh?"

"I most certainly was not," replies Lagrand. "To sleep standing up, locked in a dramatic pose... that would be quite a feat. That's why I was having to meditate on it. Surely there's a way, and someday... someday, perhaps, I may find it."

You tell Lagrand that you're looking for a woman, both willing to and capable of having sex with a lot of goblins. Like, a lot. In a row. Maybe not a row, actually--you don't trust goblins to form a proper line and wait their turn.

Lagrand sighs. "Truly? You have fought your way into these accursed woods, seeking out a wielder of deviant magics for something so... so..."

"Dum-dum," suggests Inzo.

"Grody?," Valley throws in.

"All excellent adjectives," Lagrand concludes.

When he puts it that way, it does sound a bit excessive. It's a long story, though, and you sort of need to find someone to do the deed to end an inter-species turf war that's tangentially related to your quest to clear your name of underwear related crimes.

"Wait," Inzo begins, "Inzo has not heard about underwear crimes yet."

Lagrand stares at the ground for a moment, eyes a little wider, the beginnings of a smile teasing at his face. "...Well. That is quite a story, even I must admit. I would love to help you, if only to take a bit part in this ridiculous tale. Alas, my current position does not put me in favor with many... adventurous ladies. I assume your present company has already declined the proposition...?"

"Yeah, like, there's no way," Valley replies. "I'm down for a lot? But not the whole tribe."

"Inzo is a man," says Inzo, "and tribe not want gob woman any ways."

You confirm that, much like Inzo, you don't have the parts the gobs are looking for.

"And?," Lagrand inquires, finally smiling. "All the potions and magic in the world, is your physical sex truly an obstacle?"

You ask Lagrand if he'd like to turn into a woman and have sex with all the goblins.

"I've done worse, I'm certain," he replies. His whimsical smile doesn't diminish in the slightest. "...But to this particular offer, I will have to decline."


Tech 28th Apr 2018, 10:07 PM edit delete reply
Bid Lagrand adeu and head back into town. Turn in the mushroom bits to the Alchemist and take a new Quest. And see if we can hire a hooker or two with our earnings (incidentally, I wonder if they have a guild or not).
Grody 28th Apr 2018, 10:19 PM edit delete reply
Sooo... Nast gets inspiration for a new spell each time he has sex, right? Maybe it wouldn't work properly in female form, or too many times in a row, but hey... he should still get a few... interesting... spells out of it, methinks >;-P
Twyll 29th Apr 2018, 12:18 AM edit delete reply
Hmmm. Maybe sexing up Lagrand will give us some inspiration for a new spell? Is he down with that? Might as well, while we're here. (I mean look at the guy, we've *gotta* hit that.)

As for the goblins, I mean, who knows, maybe Nast *is* capable of that kind of feat.
Guest 29th Apr 2018, 12:34 AM edit delete reply
As long as we aren't taking.
Twyll 29th Apr 2018, 7:30 AM edit delete reply
Why not? :P Might as well do a bit of both, get the whole experience!
Mochi 29th Apr 2018, 9:39 AM edit delete reply
i like how you think
Rose 29th Apr 2018, 10:48 AM edit delete reply
I vote threesome. No sense leaving Valley out.
Guest 29th Apr 2018, 12:32 AM edit delete reply
Perhaps the fairies would be down for it? We should ask Inzo if the goblins would be fine with that before finding them, though.
Wolfe 29th Apr 2018, 1:11 AM edit delete reply
I like all of these ideas but we should ask him if he can use his magik to help us, perhaps to fool the Gobs or sway their minds ala Jedi mind trick? Maybe something to make them uninterested in sex long enough to cut a deal? Maybe lean in and give him a little caress.

"You're a witch, one so clever and dashing must have many tricks up his sleeve"
Shadoe 29th Apr 2018, 1:33 AM edit delete reply
Hey Lagrand is still pretty hot. I say we flirt him up and see if we can get any inspiration *wiggle eyebrows*
Cloud 29th Apr 2018, 2:24 AM edit delete reply
Valley and Inzo have been a big help on getting you this far, let them know that.
Benjerbro 29th Apr 2018, 7:29 AM edit delete reply
+1 for trying to find a whore guild. And if we have time to use Lagrand for inspiration, I guess the only thing it'd hurt is one of our buttholes. *shrug*
TerraNova 29th Apr 2018, 7:41 AM edit delete reply
Actually, Lagrand's mood changed REAL fast once we mentioned the reason behind us asking and the our search for the really panty thief. He knows something. We need to know what.
TerraNova 29th Apr 2018, 7:46 AM edit delete reply
Wait, re-read it. Never mind. Still, fairies sound suspicious. Maybe we can ask them about the monsterizing of the forest. And, hey, if prepare the means to do so, and we come across an BAD GUY fairy woman, we could capture her and give her to the gobs for keeps. I just hope they all don't turn out to be guys. Again.
Mochi 29th Apr 2018, 8:49 AM edit delete reply
mayne instead of turning on the charm and trying to get in his (probably pretty fashionable) pants right out of the gate, we can ask him if he has a place we can rest for a bit? it's been a slog getting this far, after all.