Comic 32 - Meet the goblin chief

26th Apr 2018, 4:35 PM in Humble Beginnings at Humblestart
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Meet the goblin chief
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Author Notes:

Morgenstern 26th Apr 2018, 4:35 PM edit delete
You get the attention of the nearest goblins, and tell them that you're here to talk with their chief.

They screech at you in gob. You screech back at them in non-gob. You and Valley spend several seconds attempting to mime out your intentions. Eventually, the goblins all scamper off. You're not... sure if they understood correctly or not.

While you wait, you take a look around the area--double checking for possible threats, and seeking out potential escape routes. You have no clue how well this is actually going to go, if it goes at all.

After what feels like an eternity, Inzo marches up in his mech (which seems to have mostly been repaired). Beside him is a goblin that looks just like the others, but sports a much fancier hat.

The goblin chief yells something in goblin.

"This gob chief," Inzo states, motioning to the goblin in the large hat. "Not know dirty hume speak, only gob."

The chief says a few things in goblin. Inzo turns to you to translate. "Chief talk with gob advisors. Gobs want cave back, but gobs get idea. Gobs think you can get gobs thing gobs can't get, better than cave."

The chief continues.

Inzo... gets a very upset look on his face. He gives a small sigh, and he translates. "Chief want woman. Not gob woman."

"Like, forever?" Valley clarifies. "The chief is looking for like, a wife?"

Inzo speaks with the chief, clarifying the issue. He turns back to the two of you. "Not for ever. One turn, chief says."

One... turn...?

The chief makes a lewd thrusting motion with his hips. He smacks at the air with one hand. He makes a few kissy faces.

Valley loses it, having to cover her mouth to hide her laughter. "Oh, rad. The chief just, like, wants to get his bang on?"

Inzo consults with the chief. His dismayed expression decays even further as he turns back to you and your partner. "Not... for chief. Whole tribe, one turn each. Woman for gobs. All of gobs."

You look at Valley. The laughter has stopped, and her eyes are wide. "Ohhh no, that's grody," she says. "The whole tribe? I was like... one goblin, cool. A couple, maybe? I am toootally not getting down with the whole tribe."

This... is, technically, a negotiation on behalf of the king slime. You could ask her if maybe she wants to take a swing at that whole recreational mating thing...

Inzo speaks with the chief. He shakes his head. "Chief say no. Gobs not want icky slime. No gob woman, no slime woman."


Tech 26th Apr 2018, 5:06 PM edit delete reply
TerraNova was right. Things did go wrong.
TerraNova 26th Apr 2018, 5:31 PM edit delete reply
Still never saw this coming
1977 26th Apr 2018, 5:10 PM edit delete reply
Ask how big the tribe is and if you have time to think about it.
Ask about alternatives, something that is of even more use as the cave or the woman.
Tell them about your skills as enchanter? They could use your services?
Yolvan 26th Apr 2018, 5:45 PM edit delete reply
See how much gold we have remaining, tell the goblins that we will sort the problem out in a few days. Try to see if Slime King has any treasure to give. Generally find all the loot and see if we could pay someone to do it with the goblins.
Grek 26th Apr 2018, 5:54 PM edit delete reply
Maybe that alchamist would be down. She seems like she’d be interested in the overt unity... you know... for research reasons...
Grek 26th Apr 2018, 5:55 PM edit delete reply
TerraNova 26th Apr 2018, 6:04 PM edit delete reply
It's still going to be a bit much too hope for. We'll need to discuss our options with Valley first, see what's in our power to do. If there's nothing left, we can Deinforce the Gob mech so valley can smash it, and the rest would be easy to eliminate with Valley and our new wand.
Twyll 26th Apr 2018, 6:48 PM edit delete reply
I sincerely doubt the goblins have enough innate magical power to make her even the slightest bit enthusiastic about the idea. They may have a couple casters, but most of them are likely not to have much in the way of magic, which means she'd be totally uninterested.
TerraNova 26th Apr 2018, 6:11 PM edit delete reply
Actually... The Gob Mechanic seems not to keen on the idea. See if we can't negotiate a deal with him to help bargain down the price to something a bit more... reasonable. Maybe an even bigger hat? One that will "spit fire" and "express his glorious awesomeness"?
TerraNova 26th Apr 2018, 6:25 PM edit delete reply
After all, he's the only one wearing a hat as big as himself. It's probably a show of position. And if he had a even BIGGER hat, the more respect he'll get, right? *wink* *wink*
Tech 26th Apr 2018, 7:56 PM edit delete reply
+1 to "Fancier Hat." If GG has taught me anything, the more awesome a man is, the bigger a hat he deserves.
Twyll 26th Apr 2018, 6:41 PM edit delete reply
Uhhh... wonder if *we* could do it. Do they absolutely need a woman, or will a rather slender enchanter man suffice?

Are STDs a risk in this setting? Because, yeesh.

Hmmm, how does Inzo feel about the idea of constructing a sex doll that we can enchant to be more lifelike? Would that be acceptable?
Benjerbro 26th Apr 2018, 7:45 PM edit delete reply
I wonder what the prostitute sitiation is in this world. Like, if we can find and pay some prostitute to do the deed then we're solid.

As an alternative to that alternative, we could definitely ask for time to find the witch. I bet she knows at least a couple spells that could aid in this situation. Maybe animating a doll?
grenli 27th May 2018, 4:06 PM edit delete reply
OMG. I love Valley way more than I should. :)