Comic 24 - Fight the goblins

23rd Apr 2018, 9:19 PM in Humble Beginnings at Humblestart
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Fight the goblins
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Author Notes:

Morgenstern 23rd Apr 2018, 9:19 PM edit delete
You start to sneak up on the group, but the two support goblins notice you very quickly.

You commence hurling the gob juice at the goblin engineer. Valley throws the reinforced ones, and you throw the unenchanted bottles.

The engineer spins around quickly, jerking at levers and pulling switches. His wooden suit throws its big arms up, blocking all four bottles. The explosions visibly damage his mech, cracking the wood and weakening the joints... but the robot remains mostly intact.

"Dumb hume! Dumb moo cow! You use explodey gob juice against gobs?! Inzo tested invention on gob juice! Invention take explosions all day!"

You draw your sword. While Valley goes after Inzo, you take on the two goblins in his employ.

Valley swings her huge club overhead, only for Inzo's mech to catch it in its large wooden hands. She pushes harder, trying to overpower the mech. Inzo pulls more levers, furiously flipping dials, trying to overpower her right back.

You're not much of a fighter, but neither are the two goblins you're facing. Your battle is... awkward, at best, with neither side being much danger to the other. You do have the advantage of reach, though, and your smaller opponents seem to have used up their supply of explosives on the way into the cave.

Your duel is not one for the history books, but after a clash of blades that takes you around the room, you do eventually knock the both of them out.

Yes, knock them out. Not cut them in half.

You might have been swinging the sword wrong.

You learned a lot today, though. This was a valuable lesson, for learning. About swords. And how to use them.

You turn back to Valley. She is... in exactly the same position she was before, bearing her club down on Inzo, and Inzo trying to push it back. They haven't moved an inch in either direction, both parties too stubborn to update their strategies. You can tell the test of strength is starting to take its toll, though--sweat glistens on Valley's skin, and the engineer's mech is starting to fall apart. It's still anybody's game.

They've also taken to lobbing insults at one another, which might be a better strategy than anything else they're doing.

"If cow could think with breasts," Inzo screeches, "cow would be genius!"

Valley growls. "They only LOOK big 'cuz like, you're so damn SMALL!"

"Gobs are perfect size! Big goofus!"

"Yeah, for punting! PIPSQUEAK!"

You suggest a truce. Maybe the goblins and the slimes could come to some kind of an arrangement, like sharing the cave or trading off at regular intervals.

"So hume admits defeat?," Inzo asks, still struggling for the right combination of levers.

That statement gets the king slime infuriated all over again. "He's not admitting defeat, you dullard, he's attempting to meet you halfway!"

Inzo smirks, wiping at his mouth. "Only losers meet halfsies! Winners take! Winner gets everything! Winner--"

A loud splintering sound echoes across the cavern as something breaks in Inzo's mech. At roughly the same time, Valley's muscles give out. She stumbles back, leaning on her club for support, while the wooden robot's arms click... and pop... and then fall to its sides.

Inzo smacks his lips, leaning back in his seat. "Maybe gobs open minds, try things hume way. Not losers, gobs just want change of pace."

The slime king's brow (?) twitches, but she manages to calm her tone down. "You are willing to discuss the terms of a truce, then?"

Inzo shakes his head, holding up his hands. "Engineer, not chief. Only chief make deals. Must talk to chief."

Valley grins, suppressing a laugh as she holds onto her club. "I thought only losers made deals? You, like, totally have this routine down for--"

"Shush, moo-moo cow woman!," Inzo shouts, fists in the air. "You talk to chief. Chief... that way." It takes him a second to figure out which way to point, but he eventually points to the west. "No big hurry, but not take too long. Gobs think you chicken out, gobs call gobs's friends (also gobs). Build big gob army, take cave back. Deal good, you make deal."

Inzo pulls a few levers to turn his mech around. The noises that it makes are... unfortunate, and pieces of the suit come tumbling off as he strolls out. He leaves a trail of torn vines and broken wood gears on his journey out of the throne room.

Once the sound of loud stomping and grinding mechanisms has faded out of earshot, the king slime turns to you.

"I owe you a debt of gratitude," she says, "as do the citizens of my slime kingdom. I am a king slime, and the ruler of these parts." She gives a small bow.

"Slime king?," Valley asks. "You look like a queen, though? Not that there's... like... anything wrong with that, if that's your... umm... choice. Toootally don't mind me," she concludes as she trails off, waving a hand in the air.

"I admit, I did choose to take this form when provided the chance," the king slime answers. "I was under the impression that it would ease negotiations. ...Clearly it hasn't helped. Regardless, I've grown rather fond of it."


Tech 23rd Apr 2018, 10:03 PM edit delete reply
I'm pretty sure slimes are neutral anyways.

>Victory sex!
xenonni 23rd Apr 2018, 10:49 PM edit delete reply
Take a moment to remember the uncomfortable burning sensation of the slime that carried us here, perhaps ask the slime king about it before attempting any regrettable penetration.
Ask if the slime king has somewhere for us to rest the night, if not, get ready to pitch the tent with Valley.
Wolfe 24th Apr 2018, 10:31 AM edit delete reply

Also, threesome.
Twyll 24th Apr 2018, 12:27 AM edit delete reply
Yes, victory sex! I dunno how adventurous Valley is, like, would it be rude to extend an invitation to the Slime King to join us if she wants? We should probably check with Valley before extending such an invite; maybe Valley wants us to herself tonight.

Also we could offer a massage~ I bet she's sore after that standoff.
1977 24th Apr 2018, 1:13 AM edit delete reply
Well, we knocked 2 goblins out in the fight. Make sure they are either gone or tied up and looted.

Introduce yourself properly.

Talk to the queen and Valley and propose victory sex.

Ask Valley if she wants some recovereat now.
1977 24th Apr 2018, 1:26 AM edit delete reply
By the way with all this fighting did we have a level up?
How does it work then?
Are points given automatically or must we choose how to spend them?