Comic 159 - Find a way to steer the boar

29th Jun 2018, 11:00 PM in High Roads, Low Roads, Threeroads
Average Rating: 4.75 (4 votes) Rate this comic
Find a way to steer the boar
<<First Latest>>

Author Notes:

Morgenstern 29th Jun 2018, 11:00 PM edit delete
After a lengthy struggle, you manage to climb the rest of the way onto the boar.

You pull out your fishing rod and one of your cooked meats, tying the meat to the end of the line before handing it to Emerald.

"Th..." Ranse heaves a very extended sigh. "Thisisreally. What we've, resorted to."

The King Slime has to stretch her arm out a bit to make it work... but she manages to dangle the meat out there. She holds it to the left... and the boar runs left. She holds it right... and the boar runs right.

Your party has effectively gained control of the boar. You imagine it'll tire itself out, or at least calm down after a while--but in the meantime, you can steer it in whatever direction you prefer.

...Which is good, because you've all juuust started to get a wrangle on the controls when two more boars come charging out from between the trees, quickly gaining on you in their blind piggy rage.



Krylo 29th Jun 2018, 11:26 PM edit delete reply
. . . Swap places with Ranse, so she can fire her pyrespewer behind us if the other boars start to catch up.

And then ride.

Ride like the wind.
Caydenite 29th Jun 2018, 11:48 PM edit delete reply
Solid plan, +1
Guest 30th Jun 2018, 2:26 AM edit delete reply
Mexico's border is probably too far away tho
Caydenite 30th Jun 2018, 2:46 AM edit delete reply
Is that a Saxon reference? Deep cut man, respect.
Guest 30th Jun 2018, 7:01 AM edit delete reply
Weird way to write Christopher Cross...
MakePeaceAndLove 30th Jun 2018, 2:42 AM edit delete reply
+1 from me
Hairball 29th Jun 2018, 11:31 PM edit delete reply
They didn’t seem to care about wind slashing or paralysis or fire. Poison is a touch spell. Recall required time and a stationary position. Even if you could deinforce a creature it’s still touch based. We do have a bomb. Anybody have a lighter?
Krylo 29th Jun 2018, 11:35 PM edit delete reply

Bombs are too useful to use in any situation where we don't absolutely have to use it and where hitting our opponents isn't assured.
Caydenite 29th Jun 2018, 11:49 PM edit delete reply
-1, we're bound to come across a cracked wall at some point. Gotta find those secret areas.
Sanityfaerie 29th Jun 2018, 11:46 PM edit delete reply
they do seem to be interested in cooked meat. Perhaps we could distract them?
Sanityfaerie 29th Jun 2018, 11:49 PM edit delete reply
...or possibly poisoned meat? Also, do we have any reason *not* to pickpocket the one we're riding?
Caydenite 29th Jun 2018, 11:54 PM edit delete reply
+1 to chucking them some poisoned meat; might not work, might be too focused on us or can smell the poison, but we've not got a lot of use for it anyway.

+1 to Steal. No reason not to.
Vilem 30th Jun 2018, 12:34 AM edit delete reply
+1 toss a poisoned meat to a trailing boar. If it eats it, toss the second poisoned meat in the inventory to the other trailing boar.

+1 to Steal from "Porkchop" the boar we are riding.
Gandalf 30th Jun 2018, 1:14 AM edit delete reply
+1 and +1 from me.
Lapdragon 30th Jun 2018, 1:44 AM edit delete reply
Pigs are well known to have some of the toughest digestive systems on the planet - if we fed them the poisoned meat it likely wouldn’t harm them in the slightest.

I’m on board (no pun intended) with luring the boars to Outwall Ranch, but unless the huge boars reproduce like the giant chickens do, we will need to find the ranch a giant sow to go with the boars. I’m also on board with going back to find a giant sow afterwards if the Rancher wants to expand his inventory. :-)
Caydenite 30th Jun 2018, 3:25 AM edit delete reply
It's not just like, dodgy meat; it's from something affected by our poison spell. I'm not sure status affects work like that, unless the boars have Resistance: Poison (which they may). Also, if we throw one peace of meat we might get lucky and they'll stop and fight over it.
Gandalf 30th Jun 2018, 4:56 AM edit delete reply
Whatever the result, we don't have much to lose by chucking a bit of meat their way. It's not as though it's of great value to us.
Vilem 30th Jun 2018, 5:13 AM edit delete reply
The term boar can refer to the species of wild swine (both male and female) or specifically mean male wild swine. Since these 3 giant boars have not had their sex stated, they could be male, female, or so e of each. I guess we could have the party try to look and see, if that would i pact their decisions at this point, but Id'd say just roll with whatever they are.
Caydenite 29th Jun 2018, 11:52 PM edit delete reply
Doubt we could pull this off, but can we have our boar (Scar? Smokey? w/e, they're XP, not a friend)circle round and charge into one from the side, knocking it into its pal?
Don John 29th Jun 2018, 11:55 PM edit delete reply
Use the rum to wash all of us. We're likely covered in pheromones that are attracting the boar. Toss some poisoned meat as well.
G. Sansa 30th Jun 2018, 1:30 AM edit delete reply
Emmy would get drunk.
Caydenite 30th Jun 2018, 3:26 AM edit delete reply
So you're saying go for it, G?
Sanityfaerie 29th Jun 2018, 11:58 PM edit delete reply
A fire tornado might at least be enough to give them pause and cause them to swerve.

Alternate/additional idea - apply poison to the pig we're on, and then Emerald Scholar uses her amazing tentacle skillz to transfer to a different pig... because if we can actually defeat these things, the loot drops are likely to be pretty nice. Also, it would let us pickpocket more than one.
Twelveseal 30th Jun 2018, 12:11 AM edit delete reply
Odd idea, but I wonder if we can kind of bait the other pigs along as well, and maybe lead them to Outwall. Dude might be interested in pig farming. Assuming these things don't catch up and wreck us by then. Giant pig for giant chickens?

Maybe we can try to lure them into headrushing the trees while aiming Porkchop here around them. It might slow them down, or even knock them out.

Also, Steal from the pig.
Vilem 30th Jun 2018, 12:38 AM edit delete reply
+1 Lead boars to Outwall Ranch.

The Rancher and minitaurs should/might be able to pen and raise the boars.
Krylo 30th Jun 2018, 3:49 AM edit delete reply
I've gotta -1 this.

See, wild boars are very hard to domesticate. Like, normal ones that are only 3-4' tall at the shoulder. They're stubborn, angry, and can easily break through many enclosures on a charge.

These boars are much much larger, and there's no way wooden fences are keeping them held. Plus the Rancher has no idea they're coming, and you'd really have to prepare for this kind of thing. In this case, with, I don't know, sturdy iron walls or some shit to actually keep these things penned.

It took awhile for me to do this, though, because there's a part of me that would like to see three angry boars just completely destroy a ranch, but, no, we shouldn't do something that's going to risk destroying a place we currently have good will at.
Twelveseal 30th Jun 2018, 4:24 AM edit delete reply
Fair enough. So right now the options seem to be relying on poisoned meat that they might be immune to or ignore, wild acrobatics while atop rampaging dire boars and Poison that might end up splitting the party if the boars break for different targets even if it's a successful gambit, or hoping we can maneuver them into colliding with tree trunks for damage or distraction without incident. Hopefully to some effect.

We also have direct combat with the pyrespewer and wind wand, but those haven't been very effective so far.

And then there's the ranch idea, which isn't that great.

We could try running them to the ants, but there goes any diplomatic route. Same for Threeroads. Or any other settlement, really.

Our options don't look very good here.
Krylo 30th Jun 2018, 4:34 AM edit delete reply
Right now we're safe. . . ish. I say we just let them run themselves out and only use combat measures to keep the other two from catching up to us.

I really don't want to fight or try to evade three of these things.
Twelveseal 30th Jun 2018, 4:39 AM edit delete reply
Sounds reasonable. So long as the pursuers don't catch up. So... +1 for leading them on a merry chase, and if they get too close, tornadoes and wind slashes and pyrenadoes and such. Maybe even light porkchop's tail on fire if he starts flagging.
MakePeaceAndLove 30th Jun 2018, 6:34 AM edit delete reply
I agree with Krylo that we shouldn't lead them to any settled areas.

If we lead them out of the forest we could head for the beach and fight on a wide open area, but really that doesn't change much. I figure we should just fight them here, and let them crash together if possible.
Dysprosian 30th Jun 2018, 12:13 AM edit delete reply
We are wearing a costume that would lets us jump from pig to pig theoretically using our kick ability. Poison and steal from all of them. Due to the herd effect they should follow the one in front so this should be easy.

Or just poison the rear two.
Caydenite 30th Jun 2018, 12:33 AM edit delete reply
Our ability might let us cross the distance, but it'd still be like jumping between moving cars. I vote not doing this.
Gandalf 30th Jun 2018, 1:17 AM edit delete reply
Yeah, -1 to jumping from one moving wild boar to another. There's also the risk that they split and run in different directions before the whole party has jumped.
Devus 30th Jun 2018, 9:09 AM edit delete reply
We wouldn't want the whole party to jump. Just Nast, for poison/steal.
Guest 30th Jun 2018, 12:37 AM edit delete reply
Maybe the lucky bunny suit increases bad luck - Ranse may need to take another look. Not that she hasn't studied it pretty well already. Stealing the mushroom failed, cutting a piece without waking up the caterpillar failed, escaping failed, and the only thing that's worked was steering.

What are our chances of getting a party member riding each boar, then killing it? We might need to distribute sharp objects before separating.
JiggilyJoe 30th Jun 2018, 1:17 AM edit delete reply
Hmmm... we were able to steal from it first, and we cleanly cut it off before it woke up. We also were able to mount the boar successfully (something I didn't think we could do) and steering it seems to be working. Maybe the luck is an every other time thing? But its obviously not like the lucky chick on Deadpool 2.
MakePeaceAndLove 30th Jun 2018, 2:46 AM edit delete reply
Yeah I actually think we got insanely lucky to not get absolutely stomped by a chain of poor decisions. Like, we took a risk using Return, and the boar managed to knock us out and get paralyzed at the perfect spot to get transported instead. I think the luck bonus is working, it just depends on how you view it.
Eyebrows 30th Jun 2018, 12:51 AM edit delete reply
Windslash to the legs!
Gandalf 30th Jun 2018, 1:19 AM edit delete reply
+1 to this, if chucking poisoned meat doesn't work.
JiggilyJoe 30th Jun 2018, 1:31 AM edit delete reply
Ok, so try tossing them poisoned meat. Then try to wind slash legs, and then if neither of those work maybe try running them into a tree or something.
GS 30th Jun 2018, 1:33 AM edit delete reply
Shout "Applesauce!" to make our new mount go faster. ;)

(I.m. sir Terry Pratchett)
Boarustla 30th Jun 2018, 3:12 AM edit delete reply
Are we chargne west > east and therefore back towards the pyre ant hill? Can we lead the charge towards there, stampede attack on the ants and they can cook these boars for us quicker than the pyre spewer could on its own...
Pheramoaning 30th Jun 2018, 3:27 AM edit delete reply
"Ranse can create recovery items in the field, even in battle" if she can id+ the pheremone make up used to call the boars + we steal something from the boar we are riding - she might be able to hack together either an antidote for us or a kind of pheremone smoke bomb that we can let off where/on what we want an send the others chasing that instead. Option b may have the added complication that ou own stead will also follow the new moan source however
Z-factor 30th Jun 2018, 3:47 AM edit delete reply
On her paygrade could Ranse be into something like the protagonist of this 80s gem

We might find nast becomes contextually inspired to command wild beasts. The bunny suit could help make this happen in so many ways
Green Visitor 30th Jun 2018, 4:48 AM edit delete reply
Steer the boar down to the beach and into the ocean.

- Little collateral damage potential
- Washes away pheromones.

If possible, poison/steal the one we rides for the loot.

Also flirt with Ranse. Ask her if there's scenes like this in her fiction, as in riding pantless on a boar while clutching on to a tentacled creature with a human bunny pressed up against her rear.
Lapdragon 30th Jun 2018, 5:09 AM edit delete reply
All of those Ranse suggestions are so INCREDIBLY +1 :-)
Bacon Lover 30th Jun 2018, 5:18 AM edit delete reply
MakePeaceAndLove 30th Jun 2018, 6:35 AM edit delete reply
+1 from me, definitely to flirting with Ranse to improve the mood a little. XD
Devus 30th Jun 2018, 9:10 AM edit delete reply
Korsha 30th Jun 2018, 6:11 AM edit delete reply
Not a suggestion for current predicament, but once this ordeal is over and we're save, can we try and give Emmy some of the rum? Experiment and see if alcohol can recharge her slime potency? If not, she might still get drunk, and that could be fun.
G. Sansa 30th Jun 2018, 8:04 AM edit delete reply
Good idea. We should ask her what her favorite foods/drinks are; maybe we have something that will help her recharge. Rum? Albacore? Tuna?
Crazy Eights 30th Jun 2018, 7:47 AM edit delete reply
+1 to stealing. As for defeating them, if we could find a reliable way for emerald to switch boars, eyes are notoriously soft and the brain sits directly behind them. Emerald could stretch and use 1 or 2 of our 8 old iron swords to kill them. At the very least maybe we could blind them.
MakePeaceAndLove 30th Jun 2018, 9:17 AM edit delete reply
+1 for stealing, and for your second point... while that's a gruesome method, it's also probably the most efficient way we can take.

Alternatively, she could enter through the ears, it's a slightly longer route but she wouldn't alert them immediately like a green tentacle hovering before their eyes would.
Some Random Guy 30th Jun 2018, 10:24 AM edit delete reply
Some Random Guy
That is a sneaky, gruesome idea, and I love it.

Wait, what if the boar crashes into something? If this plan happens, we will have to brace ourselves.
Tech 30th Jun 2018, 9:21 AM edit delete reply
Onwards, to glory! Tallyho!
Lu!dot 30th Jun 2018, 9:23 AM edit delete reply
i think we should just toss a bunch of pointy things and poisoned stuff behind us. if we can poison the meat that isnt already poisoned, we should poison it and throw that too. also lets chuck those iron swords at them, they dont seem like they'd be very useful at any other time
MakePeaceAndLove 30th Jun 2018, 11:37 AM edit delete reply
Ehh, -1 from me. Even if we don't particularly need that stuff, we could always sell it for money. I'm more concerned that throwing it at random won't really have much effect on the boars, plus if more boars arrive, we'll be out of stuff to throw at them.

In particular, I think we need a solution that doesn't continue exhausting our resources (mana, health, and items) as this chase drags on. Even Ranse's Pyrespewer has a limit to its fuel, though we usually have enough for most battles.
Some Random Guy 30th Jun 2018, 10:19 AM edit delete reply
Some Random Guy
The answer of Lu!dot, although simple, is a good answer. These beasts seem not to be of a formidable level of intelligence, so if we throw some unneeded items behind us, it might partially mess up the pigs. The eyes are primary targets. I don't think we need the Goblin Knife anymore, since we have the Scaling Knife.

However, Ranse with the Pyrespewer seems like a better bet in this situation. Animals generally hate fire, and even though this is a fantasy world, I would assume the same.

Still, the main stuff we need the least is the poisoned meat.

This may not work, so ram the boar into a tree, preferably small enough so that the vibrations from impact don't reach us, but large enough to stun the boar and let the team run for it.

EDIT: I just thought of this, but what if Emerald could try and eat up some of the boar, to regain some energy so that her burning acid and paralyzing acid work again?
Some Random Guy 30th Jun 2018, 10:26 AM edit delete reply
Some Random Guy
The description for the old iron sword still says "Alustra, baby!" as of the addition of this quote.

What even, Cardvarde.
Lapdragon 30th Jun 2018, 12:38 PM edit delete reply
I'm fairly sure it's said that for quite a while - I remember being confused by the sword's description page since before Cardvarde was even introduced.
Guest 30th Jun 2018, 12:09 PM edit delete reply
I’m down with throwing the poison meat - we need to do something to slow the other boars down. If all else fails, use the frog potion on ranse, grab her, and leap into a tree with rabbit kick. Emmy can also jump and use consentacles to grab a tree. Boars aren’t known for their tree-climbing, so we will be safe until they try to knock it down. On a totally different note, do trees count as living things? Can we reinforce one? How about casting return in a tree?
Korsha 30th Jun 2018, 1:13 PM edit delete reply
Can Ranse inject our piggy with Berserker drug, so it might take out the other 2 boars for us? Free XP.
Some Random Guy 30th Jun 2018, 1:52 PM edit delete reply
Some Random Guy
-1, since the Berserker still allows creatures to tell friend from foe, which means that if the boar is friendly towards the other boars, it will not work.
Crestlinger 30th Jun 2018, 1:39 PM edit delete reply
Pity we couldn't steer these tree to run over the pyre ant nest. Probably too far way but would solve both matters if the boars trampled the anthill.
Guest 30th Jun 2018, 1:50 PM edit delete reply
We need to know how/if we can get more bombs. It’d be great to tie some meat to the bomb, light it and chuck it into the air for the other boars to swallow. Instant barbecue, emphasis on the instant.
G. Sansa 30th Jun 2018, 4:34 PM edit delete reply
+1 to that. We get plenty of fun items. Let's use one up for a change. This is actually more humane than poison.